Day 30

40 Days of Transformation


Day 30

I have been away for a while. It was better for both of us. That full moon in Virgo though, a whimsical week indeed. Things have calmed down a little bit since then. I have exercised my ability to step back rather than to react.

Over the past few weeks I have developed ways to understand my nature and the course of events that have been taking place in my life.

In a way, it is like saying farewell to an old friend that you know in your heart you’ll never see again when you choose to shed your skin. There is a mourning that is involved because you know that you can never go backwards.

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When we achieve a level of understanding through experience we cannot go backwards and unlearn that experience. It then becomes a matter of choice to stay resonating in that same energy.


Going backwards. This has been a theme for me over the past few months. People, job offers, and situations have been showing back up again that looked exactly like the way things were before. The old me wouldn’t have been aware of this. These are tricky tests.

Am I ready to keep moving forward or do I want to stay stuck in that old energy? That was the question I had to ask myself underneath it all.

Of course I chose to stay moving forward, even though the pull was very strong to keep me in that comforting hell that I resided in for so long.

“I shut my eyes in order to see.”

~ Paul Gauguin

For there is no greater place than that which is within to find the answers you seek.

However, our desire to seek the proper tools to help guide us should be a never-ending process in the course of our evolution.

I have been meeting some wonderful people. When I am facing decision making I tend to go through a methodical process before I switch gears. I attend workshops, retreats, yoga classes, I meditate, I read, I research, I cleanse my subtle body. I seek answers through my higher self, I shift my energy from the present. I pray about it.

This allows me to “see”.

We are the master creator of our story. The story we write is the story we live.

The words, memories and scenarios we have stored in our psyche sets us up on a trajectory of the reality we will find ourselves in over and over again.

I attended service at the Renaissance Unity on Sunday and had no prior knowledge as to who would be holding that service. The only thing that I knew is what time it started, and I got in my car and went there.

The service was held by a woman named Lola Wright. She was bold, serious about her message and I was constantly taking notes of what she was trying to convey.

When the service was over I had a list of things she said that I would research. I was about to learn something from her, but it wasn’t clear exactly what that was. I thought I’d think about it later.

She stated that she was holding a workshop that day directly after the service. I made up all sorts of excuses in my mind while I was sitting there on why I couldn’t attend. I mingled around for a bit after the service, then I got into my car and I left.

I thought to myself, she said some things that I am going to have to consider researching, I had never heard them explained in this way before.

But most of all I couldn’t get it out of my head that some of the things that Lola said in her service had made me feel extremely uncomfortable.

I thought – that’s it! She made me feel uncomfortable. She has a message to relate to me that is going to help me move to the next level.

I quickly fought through traffic, swung my car around and headed back. At first, while listening to Lola, I thought to myself, she is repeating things that I already know. What am I to gain from this?

For several hours I listened to Lola teach us how to realize how we became the master teacher of the circumstances we find ourselves in.

It was brilliant.

I learned a strategy to teach myself about myself. This concept was more profound than any of my methodical approaches I’ve had in the past. Lola’s workshop taught me how to flip my perspective in a way that I wouldn’t have considered before.

Sometimes through our journey of self-discovery we spend way too much time on the “why” things worked out the way that they did.

Why did this person do that?

Why did that situation happen?

Why did everything in my world suddenly change into an unrecognizable pool of doubt and now I am sitting in fear of the unknowing?

We want to know “why”. We get stuck on the “why” and unconsciously we create our story out it.

In Lola’s workshop we were asked to write down something that is happening in our life right now.

Lola stood before us and said “Why did this happen? Who cares? What are you going to do about it now?”

Maybe I’ve heard this before. I’ve probably said it to someone else when I was tirelessly helping them work through an issue or problem. Someone’s probably said it to me. I’ve most likely thought about it many times.

So why did Lola’s words have such an impact on me that day?

Well, we can read our favorite book that has been the most impactful on us several times and outline what speaks to us in that moment. We think we get it. We feel empowered, yet we can pick up that same book a month later and a whole different set of words resonates with us.

My point is that we can never stop trying to evolve, to learn something about ourselves through seeking out others that brings us closer to self-realization.

Those Aha moments are discovered mostly when we either feel uncomfortable or we are sick and tired of our own bullshit.

Sometimes we figure out “why”, sometimes we don’t. Sometimes months or years ahead we get a karmic blessing through a window, as if we were watching a scene through a movie in our past that shows us the why.

Sometimes we don’t. Who cares. Move on.

Removing the why is not meant for us to disassociate ourselves from our feelings, it is an action that is taken so that we can move forward.

Earlier this year in some of my writings, I stated that we are collectively moving into an energy where action takes precedence over numbness.  It is through action where we will find our resolve.

My actions may look different from yours. We are all on our own journey with our own set of lessons to learn and the time in our life in which that is supposed to occur.


After the workshop had ended, I approached Lola and I asked her a question, in a personal effort to figure out “why”. A question I will not repeat here, but I said Lola – this thing has happened, and it is a bad thing and has happened in the past and it was a sudden change that I did not expect.

Her response to me was “congratulations” and to make it worse I thought, that’s all she had to say about it.

This, above all else made me feel the most uncomfortable about anything that Lola had said that day. She said it directly to me, in response to my question to her and it went strait through my heart like a bullet.

The trigger inside of me wanted to tell her to fly a kite. What do you mean I thought? This is not a celebratory circumstance that I have just explained to you! Or was it?

It was indeed something to celebrate, and Lola was right.

I thought I understood this way of thinking, but I didn’t. I didn’t have the faith that was needed to sit in the unknowing while waiting to receive what I had asked for.

When we ask for what we want to show up in our lives, it is a tall order to place with the universe. We must be prepared for our world to shift and change in directions that shakes us up, wakes us up and places exactly what we wanted right in front of us.

We will be shocked at the order in which our lives get changed, the people around us may suddenly leave, or we may want them to leave them, we may have to move, the opportunity we thought we wanted may suddenly change and set us up on a whole new path. It’ll look different for us all.

Understand. You cannot take these things with you where I am taking you (spirit says).

You have asked me for this “thing” to happen in your life and I am here to show you that you cannot take what you have now with you, because these “things” cannot go where you are headed.

I have something much better waiting for you on the horizon that reflects what you came here to do. The synchronicities that have been showing up are no mistake, I have been arranging these meetings behind the scenes to lead you to the next step. The longer you hold on to these “things” (people, places, thought processes and how it is supposed to look) you are blocking the order in which abundance is moving into your life.

The above knowing and understanding that I have had through spirit was solidified in a way that cannot be put into words from me when Lola’s response to me was simply yet profoundly “congratulations”.

Now, if we understand this by now, what part of your evolution do you think we can spend time on being complacent in the “why” of things.  None of it. Absolutely nothing can happen if we resonate from the “why” is this happening. Because WE are the master creators of our own story.

Manifestation is more than just thinking about it, wishing for it, praying for it. It is about making things happen by taking action. Whatever the action is that you are taking must be aligned with the divine order in which you have sent that message out to the universe.

For example, if I am unhappy with the way things look in my life, I need to sit down and write what type of actions I have taken to get to this place in my life. Conversely, if I am happy with my life, I need to sit down and write what type of actions I have taken to get to this place in my life.

I had a thought last year when I was going through a turbulent time in my life. I thought that if I changed my perspective by understanding that things were not happening “to me”, they were in fact happening “for me” then I would find myself in a much calmer state during times of drastic change.

Thinking and doing. Not the same thing. The latter requires a lot more strength and perseverance. It is not an easy task to change the way we think, but it is absolutely necessary if we want to move from where we are right now.

Lola, has developed a formula of thinking that is very similar if not exact to this idea I thought up last year. I was reading out of the same book, my own book of thought but when Lola was talking about it in her workshop, it was an affirmation.

I wasn’t learning something from her that I already knew. I was learning that through this synchronicity I was finally giving myself permission to apply it to my life.

Rewriting my story has been more complex than any of the approaches I have attempted in a very long time. It has been a challenge to recreate what I held onto so dearly, so sickly for so long.

Sometimes the person we need to show up in our life is someone who is going to make a very loud and bold statement that strikes us at our core. To be comforted and coddled through challenge and change is the opposite of what we need sometimes. We give ourselves permission to heal, but we must eventually move on.

When that person shows up that teaches us what we need to know in that moment, it can be one word that shapes the way we think about what we need to be doing in an abrupt way that challenges us to go into that place within our mind and heart to ask ourselves what exactly it is that bothered us about it.

This is the place where we find revelation and this is when we start to take action.

I encourage all of my readers to challenge yourselves to meet others outside of your realm who can share a thought or idea that results in a shift of your thinking and an ultimate shift in your story.