“You sit here for days saying, this is strange business. You’re the strange business.
You have the energy of the Sun in you, but you keep knotting it up at the base of your spine.
You’re some weird kind of gold that wants to stay melted in the furnace, so you won’t have to become coins.”
Day 3 of my transformation journey and this is much harder than I thought it would be. Thinking and doing. Wow that’s a stretch.
For example, I thought about deepening my yoga practice today, and then I checked Instagram only to see that thinking about the perfect yoga pose and doing the perfect yoga pose looks so much different than what I had thought.
Thirteen years of experience, shouldn’t I be a master of this? Do we ever become the master, or do we remain the infinite student?
This question has been on my mind today.
Is it our ego that pushes us to become the master of our craft? Do we believe that we fall short of our own expectations by simply being a life long student? Is it not simple, yet courageous to be humble enough to know that we can never really learn enough inwardly?
Do we strive to reach a reward within our grasp or are we already the gift that we are hoping to become?
I ask myself, am I a hopeless visionary?
Today I meditated to a beautiful kundalini mantra, Ra Ma Da Sa. The vibration of this mantra embodies pure love and emanates that vibration to our family, friends and loved ones that need healing.
The sound vibration of Ra Ma Da Sa is a gift of reconciliation, forgiveness and promotes inner peace. For all that I am is what I resonate with in this moment, not reaching or grasping for anything other than what I have in this moment. I understand. I see. I smile.
I am learning that transformation is not about what we perceive to be as the end goal. It is about small pieces of the puzzle coming together day by day which leads to an ultimate realization.
Change is about becoming mindful that if I am striving to live a healthier lifestyle, each moment a decision can be made that will lead me closer or further away from that path.
In this moment do I choose to be happy? Do I chose to forgive myself for not getting it right yesterday? What choice will I make about what kind of nourishing foods I allow to enter my body? How will I feel after making those conscious choices?
When I see myself as being happy – who is there? Where am I? How do I feel? What am I doing? Stay there.
Self-doubt tends to be intertwined with childhood memories, where at some point, someone told us that we couldn’t do something or be someone. Self-doubt is a result of abandonment.
We are shiny coins, waiting to evolve so that we can spread our knowledge out into the world. We all have a purpose that is very specific and unique. It is our birthright. We transform so that we can give ourselves permission to do what we came here for.
The moment we say farewell to the debris left behind from betrayal and abandonment a new world opens right before our eyes. We see ourselves as we are – not our pain body. Today I am going easy on myself, with care and with love. Today I gathered another piece to the puzzle and I will celebrate that.