If you are an empath who has experienced the relationship dynamic with a narcissist, this article will empower you with examples of how to take your power back.
The ability to understand someone with a personality disorder has been a focal point of many studies and research by psychologists all over the world. What occurs in the mind, heart and soul of a person with these behavior patterns has been dissected to find healing for the person suffering from it. The results of this research have proven that it is an incurable disorder that leaves its victims traumatized or worse in most cases.
What is the relationship between the empath and narcissist? Why is it so common and why is it so hard for the empath to acknowledge the behavior and leave the person who is abusing them?
Before the empath has learned to pull their energy inwards and set boundaries with such vampires, he/she will likely find themselves in one of these toxic relationship dynamics. For some empaths, it is a cycle and these types of people deplete them of their energy, stunt their internal growth process and sometimes leave them with scars that require long-term healing.
How do you know if you are dealing with someone who has a personality disorder?
- They take more than they give
- They often lead eccentric lifestyles
- Pathological lying
- They come up with elaborate stories that make you question your own reality (i.e., gaslighting)
- Their reality seems to be much different from yours or any other person you know, this charms most people because it comes off as “different” and “unique”, but not for the reasons you may think
- No matter how many times they wrong people – they always seem to have an unwavering fan club that feed praise to their false sense of self
- They cheat – everyone, about everything. They are honest with no one. They will come up with some really astounding plans to achieve their goal. The means justify the end, every single time. They will cheat their friends, family and loved ones but somehow manage to claim the victim while their fan club continues to praise them
- They cannot stop lying – it is impossible for them to be real because their intentions are something you are never aware of until it’s too late. They work very hard to keep you in the dark about what their strategy is, confusing you and doing the same thing to others in different groups that don’t know each other, who will rarely – if ever, cross paths
- They lead double, triple and quadruple lives, you will never really know who they are and neither will anyone else. The image their family has of them is different from their friends, business associates or previous victims
- When you are with them your energy feels low, you feel drained and ungrounded after spending time with them, in person – or even over the phone. When they are feeling low, everyone in the room must feel the same. You are not allowed to own your own happiness
- They will try to ruin your reputation if you don’t give them what they want. They have done it before, dig deeper into their past if you may – you will find a slew of victims that have been named improperly for not allowing them to achieve their goal
- Their goal is to control, abuse, use and discard – in that exact order and they will repeat it as many times as you let them
- The relationship is one-sided, you find yourself always trying to “save” them, but they rarely ask you how your day was. Your life has no meaning to them – and it won’t
- They alternate between being obsessed with themselves and loathing themselves
- They will enhance their looks, charm, attire and financial status to gain power and control, you will notice how this plays out in their relationships with other people – watch closely and carefully
- They are thieves, it may be big things or little things, tangible or intangible– they are constantly testing what they can get away with
- If you are considered a friend to them it is only because you have something they want, there is ALWAYS an underlying motive to any behavior they display that would be considered kind, compassionate and loving
- They have a sense of entitlement and feel more important than others
- They constantly criticize and loathe others for their imperfections, but if you look closely under their “image” you will see that they truly do not love themselves (yes its sad)
- They lack empathy, they are abusive – verbally, mentally, emotionally and eventually physically
- They seek constant praise and admiration, they are not humble nor do they display gratitude for what they currently have. They are never satisfied and secretly or openly talk poorly about others who have reached success. They do not lift the people up around them, their goal is to bring them down so that they may somehow surpass them. They’re jealous of other people’s relationships and the abundance they have created in their life
- You feel like you are under psychic attack, you wake up with nightmares but cannot identify what the problem is – you are unaware of where this energy is coming from
- They will not leave you, they will keep you in this twisted cycle and never provide what a healthy, loving relationship needs to survive. You feel unloved, uncared for and disposable
- They have several different people they are playing this theme out with at the same time
- They alternate between playing games and being real because they know they must give you something to stay in their presence. You are never sure who they are, their character changes when they are around different people – they display whatever mask they want others to see to achieve their goal
- The more love you give to them – the more they will take and attempt to destroy you
- They use people for money and sex, often living promiscuous lifestyles – you may or may not be aware of this
- Pay attention to how they talk about their past relationships, friends, lovers, former business partners/colleges. Most likely they have all wronged them, are crazy and they are the victim in every unfortunate situation they find themselves in. Empaths are drawn to victims like a moth to a flame, be aware – always
- No matter how loving, understanding and tolerant you are to them, you will end up being pictured as the crazy person in their twisted story – so will everyone in their past, it is a cycle that plays out in their lives over and over again – orchestrated by them
- They alternate between being anti-social and outgoing, most likely this is because some part of their illusion in a different part of their story-line with people you don’t even know is not working out as they had planned. You will find yourself fixing them for having an emotional breakdown about something that is totally unrelated to the actual problem
Empaths reading this who haven’t had this experience are finding it hard to believe that someone can be this way. It is unfathomable to an empath how a person can operate from this level of energy.
What do you do to protect yourself? Can we still love them? Yes, of course we can. From afar. How do you move away from this energy?
- GET OUT NOW! Once this person has shown you who they are BELIEVE THEM and GET OUT. Cut your cords and any emotional attachment you may have with this person. Many studies have proven that when a person develops a personality disorder they are not able to be rehabilitated. While I may disagree with this on many levels, the proof is there and sticking around to find out if it is possible or not may cause damage to your heart and soul that could take years to repair
- Create boundaries – FIRM boundaries, both verbal and energetically. When you pull your energy away from this persons story you will feel a sense of freedom – stay there – don’t go back
- Understand that people who are mentally, emotionally and spiritually balanced do not go around maliciously hurting innocent people for their own gain. You have a choice – which vibration do you want to resonate with? High or low? Make the decision
- Separate yourself from this person in a way that you can identify what energy is yours and what is theirs. Realize what is yours to carry and what is not. Stop carrying them
- Understand that when a person keeps overstepping their boundaries – they don’t respect you
- Practice self-love. Respect and love yourself enough to get away from this person
- Recognize who this person really is no matter how many times they try to draw you back in – remember that image you have in your mind of what they are capable of and what their intentions are towards you. You have already seen a few glimpses of this, it was not your imagination – Get Out!
- It will hurt your heart on a deep level to let go of someone you love who cannot be fixed. Understand it is not your story – it is theirs. For whatever reason, at some point, they have chosen to be this way or it was chosen for them. This is part of their journey – not yours. You came here to spread love into the world, don’t confuse that with not loving yourself enough to tolerate this behavior
- Stop going back, break the cycle, it will get worse each time
- Do not be ashamed – talk to someone, if no one will hear you, sit in silence and listen to your higher self. You already have all the answers
- You can send healing energy to them without being involved in their life. Meditate, send Reiki, Pray for them – but move on and do not allow them in your space
- Understand that while everyone deserves to be loved, you have done all that you can. While everyone deserves love – not everyone deserves to be in your life
“Send Them Love and Move Along.”
~ Dr. wayne dyer
The relationship between someone with a personality disorder and an empath is common because an empath radiates love, light, positive energy, compassion and understanding. Someone “labeled” (I use that term lightly) as a narcissist or antisocial personality disorder cannot cultivate the energy for themselves that you supply.
For them to exist, they need to feed off you and others. As the Sun is to the Flower – they need energy to survive. However, they do not grow in the way which you would like to see them bloom. Most of the emotion they display is learned behavior, they know they should act in a certain way to achieve their goal.
As an empath, we feel on a deep level, it is that very feeling that attracts these sorts of characters. It is up to you to shield yourself – woven in a blanket of love, fenced with clear boundaries. It will be difficult to walk away. Empaths want to love, nurture and shift the energy. Between a person who has these personality traits and the empath, this is not able to be achieved.
The scales of justice will never be balanced, leaving you feeling used and abused.
Empaths see other people’s wounds and suffering. An empath may recognize that a person like this is wounded, therefore giving them an excuse for their behavior and try harder to understand the root cause of their suffering.
A narcissist knows that you can see their suffering and uses this towards their ADVANTAGE. They do not think or feel like you. They are not capable of it. When an empath truly comes to that heartbreaking conclusion, they will be given a choice to walk away. It will not be an easy break, but you must do it to protect your own sanity.
The narcissist will know right away that you feel on a deep level.
This is the beginning of a sick twisted game you will find yourself trapped in, until it has either completely torn you apart or you muster the strength to get out while you are still a loving person.
Can we still love people with deep wounds? Of course we can, that is why we are here.
Understand that the depth of a person’s wounds may be so embedded in their character, that they have chosen to act out those wounds onto whoever crosses their path. It is not your place to be at the receiving end of that behavior.
Also know that they will not think twice about the suffering they caused you, their next victims will be lined up before you even have an exit strategy. Remember – they need to survive.
I believe that if a person has chosen to be this way or they were chosen, it is still all part of our lessons here in this lifetime. As an evolved being you will be able to understand, after having an experience like this, why they were there. That is part of your journey – not theirs. At some point you will be able to forgive this person – but that doesn’t mean that they will be allowed back into your life. Forgiveness sets YOU free.
If you are still letting them back in, you are not fully healed and you have not truly forgiven them. When you complete the process of forgiveness, they become a memory and they no longer possess control over your emotions. You will be safe, they can no longer hurt you, because you have forgiven them and moved on.
“Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that.”
~ Dr. martin luther king jr.
Don’t become a victim of someone else’s darkness while encouraging them to see the light
Practice self-love first
Ask yourself these questions: Does this person align with my moral and spiritual values? How do I feel when I am around this person?
You deserve to be loved